Half-Hearted View of Life.

The past week has been rainy-at some points. We've also had winds at 60 mph. Yet it seems relatively warm. With the peculiar weather comes my peculiar mood. It's strange isn't it? The way our moods often mimic the world around us. Don't worry this isn't ad. for seasonal depression medication, it's just an observation.

Any who. The other day I grabbed my keys and Marmot raincoat (the raincoat that is apparently really hardcore and will keep me perfectly dry in an ocean...or something like that) and I headed out. As I made it to my car I just stood there. Holding my keys in the middle of the driveway, I looked at my torso and saw the rain gliding so effortlessly down my raincoat. It looked so beautiful, really.

And then I looked at the rain fall straight off my coat and onto my shoes. My canvas, Toms. They quickly acted like sponges, soaking up the rain from the sky and my coat. I realized upon leaving the house I slipped on my Toms shoes instead of boots. At that point, I simply acknowledged my half-hearted view of life.

I sat in the car, without starting it.

I just listened to the rain beat on the car, in a trancelike manner. I began to think too hard about life. I find myself doing this too much lately (or maybe always). I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders. When my thoughts become too distant and over bearing, I knew it was time to start the car. Putting my thoughts back in perspective and I chalk my toms/raincoat "incident" up to a simple fashion faux pas. I remind myself to not needlessly get too deep, and too serious with life.

[yo, Hannah stop thinking so hard]

I understand this picture doesn't exactly scream "road less traveled" but for an afternoon walk with my lazy suburban dog, it did just fine.If I'm being completely honest. This shot made the walk look like a pretty dece- one. What it fails to show the viewer is the power lines, whizzing cars and large homes literally 20 feet behind me. But, pessimism aside, it was a great walk to just think. [and PRAY my dog didn't poo. I don't care how responsible it is to pick up dog poo, bag it and take it home, it is in no way natural & 100% disgusting.]

I realize my writing is pretty A.D.D and in no why for the serious reader. For that, my friends, I am sorry.

Okay, back to my apparent soul searching walk.

Thoughts.

I thought about what this year holds for a jobless girl who is taking the school year off put a dent in those school loans. . . When babysitting and mowing the lawn no longer pay the bills. You see my dilemma. How old am I again, you ask? Oh. well. um. 21, not 14 I can see how you'd be confused. it's ok. common mistake.

Calm down, Calm down. I have been putting applications out. Scouts Honor. BUT, it seems everyday that goes by that I don't get a call from a job, only makes my longings to go on a mission trip that much stronger.

Another thought was. If ever I see sunlight filtering through a leaf and don't find absolute beauty in it, I want someone to give me a 4 story atomic wedgie. [Scrubs reference, anyone?]

I also thought these flowers were really pretty. It's quite possible they're weeds, but how would I know. My thumbs are in no way green.

I tried to walk through a patch of these 'alleged' flowers to take a better picture and soon heard a very faint, but definite sound of buzzing. I then found myself in the midst of hundreds of these kids. yup, BEES.

Don't worry I barely have to walk out my front door before situations like these find me. I'll admit it took me off guard and I stood there dumbfounded. How did I walk this far WITH A DOG mind you, and neither of us bothered them? Now in the midst I stood there, trying to think what Bear Grylls would do this situation. I did a quick pro/con run through to decide if I should tip toe out or just sprint. All the while my dog is acting like we're invincible and sniffing crazy close to the bees. Clearly my precious time was almost up before they'd start stinging by the bakers dozen. So I did what any kind-hearted dog-lover would do. . . I pushed my dog, dropped the leash and sprinted in the opposite direction. duh.

Don't worry kiddos. My dog thought it was a game and chased me out. I didn't get stung, and my dog's pretty hairy, [I in no way did a thorough job of checking] so it's very difficult to say whether or not he got stung. I'm going to go with no, but it might just be to appease my conscience. Whatever helps you sleep at night, right? [insert cheesy smile and two elbow jabs]

This post is getting too long and I'm not sure if it's lame to post 2 days apart. I'm new. Give me a stinkin' break. POINT BEING, I'm going to tap out.

In closing, I took this picture when I was almost home and found it to capture life in suburbia. Mini van, automatic lawn sprinkler doing its job, "Slow let them live" sign with no child in sight. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess the word would be safe. But immediately afterwards, I feel sickened. I'm not 100% certain why.

I think I want to be one of those kids who blogs..

I believe writing a blog is a great idea.

A place for all my thoughts.

A place to write in a creative manner.

A place free of a teachers mark of approval.

A place to just empty my head on this pretend paper.

Or maybe, it's just an idea. I sporadically wonder if I'm the type to be a "blogger". I mull over whether or not I can be considered a . . . writer. Should I even try and add a blog so small and pointless to the masses. Where every vagabond, college student, and art mom already have one. [and probably more interesting ones at that]

And I realized in that swift change in my rattling thought process,

I've made writing MY FIRST BLOG into a daunting task.

oh boy. where do I begin.

Maybe, I'll just talk a bit about this past year, to catch up that late night wonderer who stumbles upon this blog. The one who can't fall asleep, maybe this will be that something to put him to bed.

[oh geeze, I meant that in a whimsical storybook way.

but I'm afraid it rapidly fell off to the side of melancholy.]

ok. begin, begin. right. ohh kay. just start hannah.

welp. I am 21 years old. The year CosmoGirl promised me would be great. The year you look forward to in high school when you think drinking is a lot cooler that it really is. The year you think back on with nostalgic feelings as you blow all 30 candles out on your red velvet and cream cheese frosting cake.

This year with all it's false glamor and empty promises, was in all honesty. Just another year. I don't like writing things like that because I like to believe each year, month, week, day holds something great. Don't get me wrong. I accomplished things, crossed a few things off my bucket list, grew a little, learned a little. But it was just a year.

I turned 21 while attending a Bible college where drinking was prohibited. I had to wake up early and alert to take two big finals. I was also up late because I was scheduled to work at a coffeeshop where they promised all students a free cup of joe. That whole day panned out a little differently then I thought it would. Not exactly how I imagined the big two-one.

It only proved to me that my life is unlike those in magazines, the life I daydreamed about as a brace faced 14 year old. I am made to have a different story.

I genuinely find that very freeing, comforting & exciting.

The school year ended and I found myself one class short of a diploma. I cried, for literally 10 minutes, got up, and got over it. I quickly remembered that I live in the 21st century and this day and age you can take almost anything online.I found that class, and will be enrolling in it next semester.

This past summer I was a Camp Counselor, which was probably one of the hardest thing I've ever had to do. but also one of the biggest blessings I have to date. It's was a forced role where I had to be giving and happy and loving and motherly and strong and show Jesus to each one of these kids. Arduous, I'm telling you. BUT through it all I learned, God is good, always.

Currently, I'm job hunting. . .which often ends in me researching Mission Organizations. Friends, let me just tell you where my heart lies. My heart longs to serve in an orphanage. I'd love to do that in Uganda, or Kenya, or China, or Guatemala, or wherever the Lord would send me. Hello Mission Trip. If you like to talk to God, you can talk to him about that, ask Him to lead me, and do great things with my life. thnks.

I realize that was a completely bogus way to bring the lost up to speed on my life but it's just the cliff notes version.

Uhh, remember kids this is a blog not a novel.